Embrace your shadow self
That's where the hidden gems are.
I guess I can’t be the only one addicted to YouTube?
Rather than settle down to watch the latest Netflix series, I’d far rather watch YouTube on my TV. And boy, does the algorithm come up with some interesting options!
Thankfully, it’s not full of “badger, badger, badger” these days.
Instead, I can watch keynote talks from around the world, instructional videos around anything, and all sorts. Whether it’s to help me build out my home automation system, improve at chess, or try to gain a different perspective on something, YouTube is there for me.
Probably a whole lot better than whatever has replaced Breaking Bad as the Netflix drug of choice!
Anyway, today I wanted to talk about something that cropped up from the algorithm. A concept that I was kind of aware of, but having not had any formal education or qualification in psychology, a concept that I couldn’t name nor research in any way. Until now.
The concept of the “shadow self”.
This concept was brought to me via Jordan Peterson and Robert Greene. Now, I’m pretty sure these two wouldn’t need introduction to many of you; and it’s safe to say that they have attracted their fair share of controversy and in fact, disgust - Peterson for his repeated stances against political correctness, and Greene for the contents of his book The 48 Laws of Power, which can be considered either a life manual for evil, or an observation of evil, depending on how you interpret it.
Note: I don’t tend to follow ‘groupthink’ nor engage too much in any negative media about individuals - in fact, I rarely engage with the ‘traditional media’ and am woefully / joyfully disconnected from what goes on in the outside world, whether it is Love Island or a world war - so I’m conscious that I may well have a blind spot if there are any more substantive controversies / issues that should be raised.
From my perspective, I generally prefer to consider most views as valid, whether I agree with them or not, and as such these two wouldn’t be disqualified from my ‘feed’ of information and understanding. I firmly believe that in order to understand something, you simply cannot source your understanding on the views of one side alone that reaffirm your existing paradigms - if one of these people is your sole source of inspiration, that’s pretty worrying, as is the case if you would have a blanket refusal to listen to them because your sole source of inspiration disagrees with them.
Anyway.
It was a ten minute clip, and the clip focused on the ‘shadow self’. A brief Google search informed me of this theory, popularised by Carl Jung,
The theory is that we all have a ‘shadow self’ which we repress, hide away, or reject. These can be emotions, instincts, desires, weaknesses… all sorts. And often, we tend to hold the traits of our shadow self in such contempt that we actively put down others who demonstrate acts which would align to our ‘shadow self’.
As soon as I started watching the clip, my mind started racing, and I started to think about the power of the shadow self.
Please bear in mind that I have only just learned of the formal term for this, and have not looked into it in any more detail. I am sharing this as a ‘snap’ reaction based on my experiences and what I’ve observed; however as a subject that fascinates me (like most psychological theories), I will be digging around a little further to build out my understanding and knowledge of studies and so on. So, my views may adapt over time, and if so, there may be future posts on this!
Within the clip, they talked about the shadow self, and it started with someone who was a successful guy from what I’d call a normal upbringing. I’d like to think I had a normal upbringing, but I’m conscious from the worlds I’m in now that it was what would’ve been described in the video. Basically, you learn how to be street wise through experience, not books.
The conversation then drifted onto a discussion of their shadow self as angry men, and I’ll be honest, I drifted off too. But not away from the topic. I drifted into thinking about the power of the shadow self regardless of what that shadow is.
I’m going to pull away from shadow self briefly, and mention a great book authored by friends of mine, Ash Ali and Hasan Kubba, called ‘The Unfair Advantage’. Now I may be conflating both concepts inaccurately, but for my simple mind, it works.
In their book they talk about the fact that we all have an ‘unfair advantage’ which can either frame as positive or negative - most of us tend to automatically look for things that have held us back, but actually they are usually the things that drive us forwards.
I’d like to weave that in to the concept of the shadow self, to explore how we can use our ‘shadow’ to our own benefit. And there’s no better way of doing that than by looking at my own experiences. You may resonate with some of my ‘shadows’, you may not. But hopefully, it will help you to think about how you can reframe any shadows you may have, and use them positively.
I’ve been stuck in the accounting world since 1997. I fell into it. I wasn’t a natural. After all, who wants an ADHD accountant? I’m a chatterbox. I lack attention to detail. When employed I’d be moved to be away from the rest of the team as I was a distraction. Most colleagues probably look at me and wonder what the hell I’m doing in accounting, and why the hell was I employed in the first place.
There are also darker traits that we all have in some shape or form. For me, I have an internal rage about injustices which contradicts the stoic approach I try to embrace. I have a competitive streak. And so on.
But, some of these very ‘shadows’ that I have help me to do what I do.
My tendency towards big picture thinking helps me take a helicopter view of my business and any challenges.
My overly communicative personality helps me to sell, evangelise, and build key partnerships. And of course, to write articles and stand on stage.
My internal rage is channelled into lobbying politicians and my philanthropic work.
And of course my unfair advantage of growing up in a different environment to my middle class peers means that I stand out, and at the same time am relatable to a different demographic.
If we all were the perfect avatar of the perfect employee to do a perfect job, we’d all be workers with no differentials. None of us would stand out.
We would be in the sea of the same.
But none of us are.
We can choose to allow our shadow self to stay unchecked, we can choose to suppress our shadow self to satisfy others, or we can embrace our shadow self, reframe it, and channel it positively.
What will you do with your shadow self?
Whatever you do, make it a choice.
Carl Reader is a WH Smith Bestselling Author and international keynote speaker with a real passion for helping people do better. There are two ways to learn more about Carl! You can either follow him on Social Media if you’re just curious (@carlreader on most platforms), or if you’d like to learn a little more about what he does on stage, through content and in the media from a commercial perspective, you can visit his website at www.carlreader.com
You can buy a copy of his last book BOSS IT online, wherever you are in the world. And of course, I’d love you to subscribe to this community to be the first to see everything I have to share. It’s free of charge!
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