Finding focus with ADHD
And some of the things that alleviate my symptoms, slightly.
Please note - this is not medical advice and should not be interpreted as such. There are plenty of specialists out there who can help you if you suspect you have ADHD or any other neurodiversity.
The app that I recommend, Endel, has been truly transformative at times I need to instigate focus myself rather than rely on my own hyper-focus tendencies. In full disclosure, the link is an affiliate link which gives us both some extra free of charge time to try / use the app.
I’m neurodiverse. And my specific brand of ‘neuro-spiciness’ is ADHD.
Yes, that buzzword that everyone seems to use as a superpower. As a special gift.
For me, that’s not been the case.
It has been, and can be, simply debilitating.
I first learned about ADHD when I was in my late twenties. I was finding that I was struggling so much with the details of life, and it had started to creep into my career. Before then, I had no idea what ADHD was.
It started with a passing comment from a guy at a neighbouring business of the dt group. We were chatting as usual and he mentioned that he’d been to a psychologist who had diagnosed him, he’d started taking some medication, and that it had quite literally changed his life.
It felt like he was encouraging me to look into it. I think he may have even given me the contact details! You see, I’m good at picking up clues like that…
So, I asked him straight - do you think I should look into it? And I still remember his words today:
“If I’m ADHD, you’re definitely f***ing ADHD!”
Anyway, I did my research. Filled in some online questionnaires and yes, I was definitely ticking the right boxes! I was always good at exams. I spoke to my then partner, who was always very insightful with her views, and she agreed that it should be checked out. I spoke to a couple of close colleagues, one who started calling me “ADHD boy”, which made a refreshing change from “Gucci Queen”! As you can imagine, my colleagues would’ve loved me to be a bit more like them.
One question however stuck out in my mind. For the diagnosis there has to be evidence that this stuff isn’t recent, and often they like to see school reports and learn more about your childhood from others.
This was the bit that I thought might lead it away from ADHD.
After all, I got into a grammar school; and at primary school I was in a spelling group on my own, had private computer programming lessons away from the rest of the class, qualified for Mensa, and was put up a year. Surely I was an amazing child?
So I spoke to Dad.
And he confirmed I’d always been odd. I won’t repeat his words as they were almost certainly stronger than my business neighbours!
On reflection, he was right. Whilst I guess I was gifted, I didn’t appreciate that gift at all. I’d conveniently forgotten the fact that I sacked off Fridays because I didn’t like Geography, my school reports slid downhill faster than a dropped pound coin, and ultimately I left school before my GCSE’s to start a YTS in hairdressing. Risking my grades (which yes, would have been impacted by this) to do something that I thought was a better / easier job than working in my Dad’s factory, if he had a job going.
Went to GP. GP agreed with diagnosis. GP tried to sell me onto the benefits of anti depressants. This is, I understand, a common theme for many who tried to seek advice before the increased awareness of ADHD and its impact on adults. Whilst the NHS wait is extraordinarily long, at least they now have the appropriate support available.
During my 30’s, it got tougher and tougher. A childhood friend recently mentioned that her daughter likens it to having a washing machine on full spin in your mind. I can only agree.
Whilst there are some advantages I guess (?), the underlying condition stops me from functioning like a normal human being in so many ways.
I’ve left a brand new car outside a petrol garage - not just unlocked - but with the keys in and the engine running. And walked back to the office.
I regularly leave my keys in the front door, welcoming all and sundry to come in and take their pick of my personal possessions. Having my wallet with me is a rare treat, as is only needing to spend £50 to replace items I’d forgotten to pack when abroad. For day to day life, it can be simply overwhelming. And things that may irritate other people, such as leaving cupboards open and so on, are things that I just can’t see. For some reason, my brain moves on before the task has had a chance to catch up.
Many call it a superpower, Sadly, I call it a true curse that limits my enjoyment of life, my ability to function, and increases my risk of something dreadful happening.
Anyway, I reached breaking point, and sought help again. This time, a psychiatrist diagnosed me, and I decided that I’d rather be medicated this time.
Truly life changing.
Tough at first, very tough. The headaches were real, and apparently I had mood swings, which I guess would be similar to those that you’d get on anti depressants or other mind related drugs. But the calm was an unbelievable feeling. I was actually present in the moment.
Sadly, the impact of the drugs dies down over time. I was very quickly titrated to the maximum dose permitted, and have top ups as well due to the fact that they tail off quickly. Now, I’d say that I get maybe 10 - 20% relief from them? Certainly not anywhere near the dramatic impact of the early days.
So, I’ve had to learn a bunch of coping mechanisms, both over the years and recently. Here’s what helps me:
Public Accountability - if I say I’m going to do something, I do it. So, I tend to make things public. Us ADHD’ers have a fair few traits that impact us, and one of those is RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria), which leads us to become people pleasers. The last thing we want to do is have someone shun us. Combine that with heightened empathy (which doesn’t impact everyone with ADHD) and it tears us apart to let someone down. So, sharing what I’m doing - even if a low level task - really helps motivate me and encourages the ‘hyper focus’ that is another quite contradictory trait of ADHD.
Playing Chess - I spend some free time playing chess (which will be a subject of a future post). It is an utterly addictive game and unusually, works well for those who are neurodiverse. Those who are autistic tend to excel in pattern recognition, which sadly isn’t a strength of mine. So for me, the training helps to improve pattern recognition, and playing helps to sharpen my ability to focus and not be distracted.
Focus Music - I use an app called Endel to help me focus in so many scenarios. It creates soundscapes which are almost like a massage for the brain, that’s the only way I can describe it. I use it when working, when clearing the inbox, and when playing chess. And as evidence that it works, my chess ELO increased by a significant amount in two days, with the only difference being that I wasn’t distracted by all and sundry as usual.
Sound Baths - yes, it might sound crazy, but sound baths are a meditation where someone strikes various gongs. Truly relaxing, and helps to unwind the mind a little for some temporary relief.
Organisation Systems - whilst I just can’t get along with digital organisation, I have a different box for all of my things and make sure that once a week, I do a sweep and put everything in their place. I’m not diligent enough to keep to it at all times, but it really helps me knowing where my car keys are, and helps to limit the number of times I leave home and have to go back. Similarly, structuring where things are so that there’s less reason to forget something.
Smart Home Automation - the forgetfulness isn’t just limited to the car or my keys. I have set up smart home automation to automatically turn off lights, heating and so on every day. A perfect example of why this is needed was in my face on Sunday night! I cooked in my oven for the first time in 18 months. Yes, I had to text a friend to make sure I’d set it correctly. Safe to say I have the cleanest kitchen in Essex! I heard beeping at 2am (whilst I was on a random dopamine hunt, doom scrolling). Yes, oven was left on… and the only reason I learned of this was due to brushing past the timer minutes before after grabbing something from the fridge. At the time of cooking, my mind simply moved on to something else - who’d have thought the oven needed switching off when food was removed? Apparently not me.
App Blockers - personally I used Freedom, but struggled with recent updates despite having a lifetime membership. These stop you from going down random rabbit holes.
Replacing the Dopamine Hunt - this is a *big* one. My understanding is that ADHD symptoms arise from the brains inability to convert dopamine properly. So, we have ‘dopamine hunts’. My catnip was always binge eating and online shopping. Medication helped somewhat, and I noticed that my Amazon order emails were all in the evening, rather than at any time - the pills helped but not completely. So, knowing that the hunt is still there, I actively found other ways to replace that dopamine target. With knowledge comes power, and I gained the power to improve the things that motivated me and gave me those unnecessary ticks that my brain craves. Having said that, I’m just thankful it’s never been illegal drugs, alcohol, or gambling, like so many succumb to.
So there you have it! I’m an open book with this stuff. Any questions - just ask - but remember, I can only share lived experiences, and of course, I’m not a medical professional.
Carl Reader is a WH Smith Bestselling Author and international keynote speaker with a real passion for helping people do better. There are two ways to learn more about Carl! You can either follow him on Social Media if you’re just curious (@carlreader on most platforms), or if you’d like to learn a little more about what he does on stage, through content and in the media from a commercial perspective, you can visit his website at www.carlreader.com
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